She Doesn't Know
by IfIDeGreenifyYou
Summary: Joanne doesn't know so many things.... Oneshot


**A/N: Ok, so this is my second fanfiction, and my first Rent one. I wrote this quickly, so I'm sorry if it doesn't make too much sense. Please excuse any spelling/grammar, spellcheck isn't working, but I have checked it over.**

**Italics in the story means that Maureen is having a flashback.**

**Disclaimer: It ain't mine, except for the plot**

Maureen shifted in the cold, uncomfortable chair, and slowly lifted her hand so it met her lover's. She sighed, and wove her fingers between the other person's, stroking the top of their hand with her thumb.

She was never one to admit that she was afraid, and was always the one that was expected to be strong. She was supposed to be brave. But in this sitution, Maureen felt anything but fearless.

She ran her fingers softly over Joanne's cheeks, her forehead, and finally, her eyelids. Maureen remembered when she last saw Joanne's eyes; it was that morning.

_Joanne had tried to quietly tried to remove herself from their bed in order to get ready for work without waking Maureen. She was not a morning person, and wouldn't be that morning especially. The previous night Maureen had dragged Joanne to some bar about ten blocks away, claiming that she needed to loosen up, and that the bar had a new type of special beer that would make the room spin after just one glass. Maureen, of course, needed to get some. _

_Both Maureen and Joanne had quickly found out that the bar was not exaggerating about their new drink, because they had both taken two gulps, and already they were starting to feel light-headed. Maureen walked over to the counter of the bar to order a second drink, for Joanne. The bartender shot her a wink before turning around to get her drink. Maureen drummed her fingers on the counter, and took some money out of her back pocket. _

_The middle aged man finally turned around, and saw that Maureen had money in her hand. "Oh, there's no need for that, honey, this one is on the house." Maureen could see that the man was trying to flirt with her, and did not repeat the action. _

_"Thanks, but no thanks," Maureen gave him a small smile before putting the money on the counter. A dollar bill fluttered out of the money pile, and onto the floor. She leaned over to the floor, and she knew that the man was staring directly at her chest. She quickly stood up again._

_On the other side of the room, Joanne was staring at her girlfriend, who was clearly trying to flirt with that bartender. Joanne sighed, and got up from her chair. This was the last straw. She went to the opposite side of the room, and grabbed Maureen by the arm._

_"Pookie, what are you-" Maureen was startled when she felt a hand tug on her arm, and pull her away._

_"Maureen, this is the last straw. I saw you trying to flirt with that man, who is what? About twenty years older than you?" Joanne could see Maureen opening her mouth to protest, but she quickly cut her off again. "Don't say it, save your breath." She started toward the door, and Maureen followed on her heels._

_Maureen was always angry when Joanne accused her of cheating, so Joanne tried her best not to wake up her girlfriend. But when she tried to remove her legs from under the sheets, she accidently kicked Maureen, causing her to wake._

_Maureen groaned, and lifted her head from the pillow, looking Joanne in the eyes. She was still half asleep._

_"I'm so sorry, Honeybear. Go back to sleep, it is only six in the morning." Maureen nodded, and Joanne walked over to the door. "I love you." Again, Maureen only nodded, not responding to the words. Joanne sighed, and headed out of the bedroom._

_'_She doesn't know,' Maureen thought when she rested her hands back on her lap. 'She doesn't know that I wasn't flirting with that bartender.'

Maureen was not the flirt that she had used to be. When Angel had died, it had given her a huge wake up call. Her death had made Maureen realize that neither she nor Joanne was going to be around forever, and she wanted to make her time last with her girlfriend. Joanne doesn't know that Maureen was desperatly trying to give up her old ways.

Maureen checked her watch for what seemed to be the hundreth time that day. 6:30.

"Damn." Maureen had been working working in a diner about three blocks away in order to earn some extra money. Joanne never knew where the money that she had been earning went, but she had her theories.

_"Maureen?" Maureen could hear Joanne's voice echo throughout the apartment, and she stepped out from the bedroom._

_Joanne's eyebrows knotted. "Honeybear, why are u half dressed?" She eyed Maureen, who was dressed only in her bra and underwear._

_"Because, Pookie, you interrupted me while I was getting dressed. And besides, you can never resist this." Maureen ran her hand over her breasts and winked at her girlfriend._

_"True." Joanne pulled Maureen in for a slow kiss, but pulled away much quicker than what Maureen wanted. She gave a small pout._

_"So..uh..Maureen, where has all that money that you have been earning?" Joanne raised her eyebrows, waiting for an answer._

_"I..umm...oh, yeah! I put all in a savings account." Maureen quickly lied. She hoped that Joanne wouldn't notice. But, she did._

_"...Right, Maureen. Then why did I find these?" She pulled out a pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket. Maureen remained quiet while Joanne walked over to a cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of expensive wine. "I thought that we agreed that you were going to cut down?" _

_"We did agree! And I have been! Oh, and Angel bought that wine for me! And, I wasn't planning on smoking that whole pack!" Maureen was telling the truth. She was saving that wine for a special night, and Angel had bought it for her._

_"I thought that you were going to spend your money on something worthwhile! Not blowing it away on drugs and alcohol." Joanne began to move toward their bedroom door._

_"I did, Pookie!" Maureen was frusterated on trying to convince Joanne._

_"Whatever." Joanne entered their bedroom, and slammed the door._

_Maureen sighed, and sat down on the couch, and turned the TV on._

She doesn't know that Maureen had not bought those things with her own money, she had gotten them from Angel and Collins. Angel had bought that wine for her as an Easter gift, and Maureen had just kept it well hidden since that day, about three weeks ago. And Collins had an extra pack, so he gave it to Maureen.

Maureen gave a small smirk, remembering how drunk Collins had been when she had given her that pack. 'I don't even think that he knew what he was doing.' Maureen thought, because she knew all too well that Collins would never just give away that extremely expensive pack of cigarattes, he only have her the cheap ones.

She pulled her hand up from her lap, and began to run her finger's through her girlfriend's hair, and shuddered. There was no color on the walls, or anything, for that matter. It was all plain white, and a few specks of gray. Then there was the annoying ticking of the clock, reminding her of the time that she had left.

_"Well, Honeybear, I'm off." Joanne's eyes filled with tears, and she hugged Maureen tightly._

_"Aah...this weekend is going to be living a hell without you! Why can't I come with you?" Maureen threw herself into the hug, with tears already staining her cheeks._

_"I already told you; I'm going on a businness trip to the middle of Vermont, and I know that you will be bored without a big city around you and everybody here." Joanne smiled slightly at Maureen's dramatic reaction. She checked her watch, and sighed._

_"I have to go now." Maureen's grip around her tightened, and she pulled Joanne into a slow kiss. "I love you, Maureen." Joanne could see Maureen's eyes widen._

_"You, too, Pookie." Maureen never copied those words to Joanne, always replied indirectly. Joanne wiped a tear that was falling down her cheek, picked up her two black suitcases, and slowly headed out the door._

'She doesn't know how much I really do love her,' Maureen thought sadly to her. 'I carre about her more than she thinks I do, and I never want to see her get hurt. But she doesn't know that I was there when it happened.'

_Maureen swiftly walked through the crowded street, while singing quietly along to the tune that was currently stuck in her head._

_"Do, a deer, a female deer. Re, a drop of golden-" Maureen was cut off from her singing when she ran into somebody._

_"Oh, I'm so sorry...Maureen?" Benny looked up Mauren, and raised his eyebrows. _

_"Yeah, the one and only." Maureen rolled her eyes._

_"Well, umm, yeah, I better be going." Benny began to walk away, and Maureen raised her middle finger behind her back, meaning to be for him._

_She continued with her walking, and singing. She was heading over to Joanne's office. Her girlfriend had a bad day at work the previous day, and Maureen wanted to see how she was doing today. Maureen passed a small theater that showed off-Broadway plays. She had been in one only two months before, but her run was over now. _

_Maureen looked up at the tall, gleaming skyscrapers. She wasn't far from the office now. A massive mall stood across the street, and taunted Maureen to go inside. "No, Maureen, you can go later." Maureen whispered to herself. She turned to press the button on the pole beside her, so she could cross the street. She gazed down at her shoes, but quickly looked up again when she heard the squealing of tires, and a scream. A red car had stopped in the middle of the intersection, and so had every other car. There, in the middle of the street, was a body of a woman. She had short, frizzy hair, and mocha skin. Maureen stiffled a gasp when she stole a glance at the woman._

_"Pookie..." Maureen could feel her chest tighten, and her heart race. A young man stepped out of the red car, and ran over to the woman. Maureen gazed down at what the young woman was wearing, and she became calmer. The woman had one a deep purple tank top that revealed a lot, and blue, tight jeans. 'That is never something that Pookie would wear.' Maureen realized. She gazed back at the situation again. The woman was still laying in the street, clearly unconscious. Her back was facing Maureen. The man was leaning over her in a state of panic. Maureen focased her gaze on the pavement near the woman. 'Was that blood?' Maureen nearly gagged at the sight, and began to walk the other way, toward her home, to call Joanne to make sure that it wasn't her._

Maureen sighed. That woman was Joanne. After Maureen had gotten home, she had called Joanne's work. Her secretary had picked up the phone, and told Maureen that Joanne had gone to the mall, but had come back about ten minutes before, wearing a purple shirt and jeans. Maureen knew that she had bought that outfit for her; she was always nagging Joanne to buy something like that.

Maureen felt her eyes fill with tears. 'She doesn't know I loved her, she doesn't know, she doesn't know...' Maureen repeated to herself in her head.

She leaned over, and took a small, velvet, box out of her purse. She opened it, and took the small, hard-earned diamond ring, and placed it on Joanne's finger. 'She doesn't know that tonight, I was going to propose.' Maureen thought to herself, and lowered her head to her chest. But she whipped her head up when she heard a steady, high pitched noise. Her head turned over to the moniter at the right, and gave a ragged breath when it showed a green, steady line.

And now, she never would.


End file.
